“Lord, make it easy.”

Valerie Cullers 1 Comment

pexels-photo-256894.jpegI have a friend who is faced with a difficult life choice. She needs to make a decision, but has been fighting it. She is making it difficult for herself and for her family. I would love to see her make the decision and move on with her life. As I was praying for her the other evening, I said, “Lord, make it easy for her.”

Almost immediately, another thought came into my mind, “No, it must be hard.” So I thought about that for a while. Yes, that is right. If things are not difficult, many times we will not make the decisions we need to make.

We lived in a town for decades and had a lot of friends and a good life. My husband would not consider moving closer to our kids until he had some medical issues and our lives became difficult. Now we are close to our children and are right where we need to be as we get older.

Same thing for another friend I have. Her husband did not want to move until his job became untenable. Now they have returned home after a few decades away from friends and family. They are in just the right place and will be able to use their gifts and talents in a new way around people they know and love.

So, apparently, difficult times can be our friends if they motivate us to do things we would not otherwise consider. When we are comfortable with our lives, we seldom change and take risks, even the ones we should be taking.

As I look back over my life, I see difficulties from a different perspective. They have been motivators for change, and most of that change has been for the better. The changes have caused me to meet new people, try new jobs, and experience life in a way I would not have otherwise done. And now,  I am learning to thank the Lord for both the good and the hard things that have come my way.

Where are the Martin Luther Kings and the Bobby Kennedys of this Generation?

Valerie Cullers 1 Comment

Having grown up in the sixties, I was privileged to watch and listen to great men like Martin Luther King Jr. and Bobby Kennedy. Martin Luther King Jr. had the vision and the voice to inspire a generation of people to not accept the villainy of segregation. Bobby Kennedy had the same vision and with his position as Attorney General was able to help enforce the law and not allow segregation any longer.

martin-luther-king-jr-393870_1280

Martin Luther King Jr. spoke to us and taught us the power of passive resistance. He never advocated violence and he never tried to incite us to hatred or violence in any form. He was a man whose vision made us all better people and he inspired change for the millions of people who would come after him.

robert-kennedy-572617_1280

Bobby Kennedy had the ability and the power of the Federal government to implement that change. He believed it was the right thing to do, and he brought the full force of the law to bear to implement it.

Today, there are many worthy causes that I would love to lend my voice to, but I can’t. Their leaders inspire hatred and violence, and instead of bringing people together, they are tearing apart the fabric of our society.

Does anyone miss the kind of leaders that Martin and Bobby were? I certainly do, and I am looking for men and women like them, people of high caliber and vision, who can bring us together and help solve the problems we face in our society today.

When Did Jesus Become A Dirty Word?

Valerie Cullers 5 Comments

pexels-photo-415589.jpegRecently, I was asked to pray a prayer of blessing before the meal at a public gathering. I was cautioned, “Don’t use the name of Jesus.” So okay, I will certainly respect the wishes of whoever asked me, but later I thought, “When did the name of Jesus become a dirty word?”

I’m not really sure when, but sometime in the recent past, it was decided that it is not politically correct to use the name of Jesus. But why? Who is going to be offended? Maybe an atheist…but an atheist would have been offended at the first line, “Dear God.” So it must not be the atheists of the world.

Having taken a class entitled “The Great Religions of the World,” I knew that Muslims regard Jesus as a Prophet, so it wouldn’t be offensive to them. Buddhists regard Jesus as an Enlightened Being, so it wouldn’t be them. Hindus regard him as an Ascendant Master, so I don’t think I would be offending them. Those who follow Judaism know that Jesus was a Hebrew who believed in the Torah. So who would be offended?

I couldn’t figure it out. I would certainly mean no offence if I mentioned the name of Jesus, and I am certainly not trying to cram him down anyone’s throat. Jesus himself was never one for trying to convert the masses of the world. He gave several stern warnings about the price you would pay if you decided to follow him.

I never did come up with an answer. But as a believer in Jesus the Christ, I must say I am not ashamed of his name. He is my ideal and the one I must strive to be like. I must also tell you that as his follower, I fail daily. I am sure many times I have not been the person he has called me to be. But that doesn’t diminish Him, only me.

Was It Really Love?

Valerie Cullers 3 Comments

love-3187623_1920When I met my husband, I thought I was “in love” with him, but was it really love? I looked forward to our weekend dates, felt very good around him, and thought about marrying him. I experienced emotional highs when he called, followed by lows when I didn’t hear from him. I really loved being with him, but was that the kind of “love” one should base a marriage on?

I wanted to give that love the Love Test, but could I do it with the English word love? Love is used in a variety of ways with multiple connotations in English: we love chocolate, clothes, homes, cars, and people. Would I need to use words from a different language to get a better understanding of the word? Yes, possibly Greek. So, here goes.

Did I have Eros love for my husband? Eros is the physical kind of love and attraction one feels for another. You experience lots of emotional highs and lows with Eros love. Check one: Yes

What about Phileo love?”  Phileo is the kind of love one has for a friend. We get the word Philadelphia from it,  the City of Brotherly Love. Did I love him like I love some of my oldest and dearest friends? Would I have told him anything and trust him with everything at that point? Check two: No

What about the kind of love one has for their family, Storge love? Did I feel for him like I felt for my father, mother, sister or brother? Would I have done anything to help him or put my life on hold to love and care for him? Check three: No

The highest kind of love is called Agape love. It is a self-sacrificing kind of love. It loves without expecting or demanding anything in return. Did I truly have that kind of love for him? Check four: No

So here we are, forty years later, married and still together by the grace of God. At this time, I do have Phileo love for my husband; he truly is my best friend. I also experience Storge love for him; he is as much a part of my family as any of my close relatives. At times, with the grace of God, I can even love him with Agape love. I can sacrifice for him and love him unconditionally for who he is.

But I have to be honest with myself. When I married him, I was only infatuated with him and experiencing Eros love. That deep friendship and familial love that it takes to make a marriage last was developed over many difficult years. There were good times, bad times, tears, fights, and a lot of hanging in there through the rough spots that helped forge the bond we have today. And more and more, I am able to love him with Agape love. I just love him because of who he is, not because I expect anything from him.

Was it love at the time? Yes, but not the kind of love you need for a lasting marriage. It took years and years and the grace of God to grow the kind of love that lasts a lifetime.

So take the Love Test and be honest with yourself. How much do you truly love the one you’re with?

I am still on hiatus this week, sharing another one of my faves!!

A Bachelor’s in Rescuing, A Masters as an Enabler, and Almost a Doctorate in Co-Dependency

Valerie Cullers 6 Comments

diploma-1390785_1920

Being a bright child, I was always interested in learning. I graduated from high school and in my late teens and early twenties had achieved my Bachelor’s in Rescuing. I fell in love with a man with emotional problems and PTSD. I believed that if I loved him enough,I could make him well. What a shock it was to find out that all of my love made almost no difference in his ability to get better.

Did that experience stop me from going on and getting my Master’s as an Enabler? No, it didn’t! I had a step-brother who was an experienced alcoholic and an expert manipulator. For a long time, I believed that all he needed was the right situation to turn his life around and that he really didn’t want to drink. Thousands of dollars and several years later, I finally realized that he was going to do exactly what he wanted, and all the wringing of my hands and helping him was only enabling him to continue in his lifestyle.

At that point, I was well on my way to getting my Doctorate in Co-Dependency. I had three friends that I thought needed my help, and I was continually there to meet their needs whenever they called. I had spent thousands of dollars on my Doctorate and was well into my Practicum when I realized that this might not be the career path I wanted to follow.

Thirty years had gone by while I was pursuing my education. I was in my mid-fifties when the light started to dawn. I realized I had spent my life helping many who didn’t really want my help; they just wanted my attention. For a while, I felt hurt, used, and manipulated by those around me. I blamed them until I realized that they were not the problem. I was.

I had not been able to say “No” to people who appeared to be in need but really weren’t. I had not been able to discern what was really going on behind the scenes in their lives. Now I am pursuing a different career path: Optometry.

My vision has always been poor, and I am trying to see the world from a better perspective. I want to see people for who they really are and still have the ability to love them, but not get involved in their lives to the detriment of my own. Starting on a new career path later in life is difficult but not impossible. It certainly doesn’t take the time and money my first one did, and I feel quite a bit saner on this journey. I feel a lot more freedom and have more choices now that I can say “No.”

Can any of you relate? Are you on the same journey I am?

Note: I am on hiatus for the next few weeks, and am reposting a few faves from last year!

Can A Prayer Make A Difference?

Valerie Cullers 6 Comments

girl-praying-hands-eyelashes-41942.jpegHave you ever watched the news and had your heart touched by a humanitarian story? How do you feel when you see someone being pulled over by a policeman? I know we see problems every day that we are not directly a part of but feel a level of concern about them. Is there anything we can do that might possibly help the person in need?

What about prayer? Can a prayer make a difference in someone else’s life? Many times we discount the value of a single prayer, especially one that is thrown up on the run. I had a friend, Bernice, who used to call these prayers “arrow prayers.” She said we can shoot them up in a matter of seconds.

I serve an Omnipotent and loving God. He has a deep concern for humanity and longs to be involved in every person’s life. He wants to bring good things to people and help them in their time of need. He also likes us to ask Him to become involved. He has given us free will and with that gift comes the choice to ask Him to help ourselves and others.

I believe that every prayer we pray matters. It may be a quick short prayer for someone we pass by on the street but it is important. It is an invitation to get God involved and help that person. Every person is priceless to Him and He wants to show each one of us how much He cares.

I have listened to countless stories about people who have been in desperate situations and were prayed for by strangers. They recount how they felt the prayers of others and were upheld in their time of need. These stories come from people of all faiths including atheists who have been helped in difficult situations.

So as we go about our day, let’s shoot up arrow prayers for others. They just might make a big difference in someone else’s life!

What about you? Have you every been prayed for by strangers and know that it made a difference?

 

The Glut of Stuff

Valerie Cullers 6 Comments

pexels-photo-179959.jpegWhen my husband and I were first married, we didn’t have a  lot of stuff. We had our clothes, some furniture, dishes, and several presents from our wedding. Ten years later, I found myself walking around our home wondering how we had acquired so much stuff. People say three moves are as good as a fire, but in our case three moves hadn’t helped lessen the stuff and I needed to take a good hard look at the problem. I resolved to get rid of what we didn’t use or want.

First, I went through my clothes and managed to fill several bags with items I wouldn’t wear again. I talked to my husband about going through his clothes and he was pretty resistant at first. However, when he looked at our closet and saw how much room there was, he agreed to look through his clothing and get rid of the items he didn’t need.

Next, I looked at our linen closet. There were sheets, bedspreads, curtains, and blankets that could be given away. When they were bagged up, there was lots of extra space to organize what was left. The shelf that held our toiletries was full of complementary items that could be donated, so out the door they went too.

I then took a look at our bookcases and set out to get rid of the books that we wouldn’t read again. We gave several boxes away to different libraries and second hand stores. Voila! Our bookcases were no longer an earthquake hazard and there was room for the books we may want to acquire in the future.

Finally, I went into the kitchen and saw that our cupboards were so full that I could hardly cram anything more into them.  There were coffee cups, pots, pans and a few appliances I rarely used that could be given away. Some of the appliances had been given to us as wedding presents and I assuaged the guilt from giving them away by telling myself someone would get good use out of  them.

The whole process took several months, but when it was finished, I was much happier with how my home looked and felt. I know I could have had a garage sale and sold the stuff but I was working at the time and didn’t have the desire to organize it all and spend a weekend selling it.

Since then, I try hard not to let our home get full of stuff we’re not using any more. I keep a bag in the coat closet and when I see an item we don’t need anymore, I just stuff it in the bag. When the bag is full, I donate it to a thrift store. That is how I got rid of the glut of stuff in our home!

What about you? How do you get rid of the glut of stuff?

 

 

Living On the Corner of Unity and Diversity

Valerie Cullers 8 Comments

pexels-photo-935872.jpegA while back my husband and I moved to a new town. We chose a house in an older neighborhood, thinking it would be a perfect fit for us. While looking at the house, we spoke to Nick, the man living across the street. He assured us that it was a pretty good place to live. We moved in mid-Spring and hoped we had made the right decision.

A few days after we moved in, my husband and son were hooking up the washing machine. One of the fittings on the faucet would not unthread, and so it had to be replaced. My husband had not unpacked all of his tools and asked me to go next door and see if the neighbor had the one he needed. I met Justin for the first time. He was younger, had tattoos on both arms, and seemed pretty nice. He got the tool we needed and asked to look at the problem. He proceeded to fix the faucet, including doing an indoor weld on the pipe, which is not an easy job. We were so impressed with his kindness.

Summer came, and my husband decided to put in a garden. He was hauling dirt into the backyard when Brett, another neighbor, decided that he and his daughter would help him. They helped haul all of the topsoil into the garden area. They made an all-afternoon job into one that took about forty-five minutes. I couldn’t bake them a batch of cookies fast enough.

Winter came, and it was a bad one. We had snow continuously day after day. In the mornings, the men in the neighborhood would get up early and come out to shovel the snow. They shoveled their own driveways and also those of the elderly and disabled. Again, my heart was touched by the kindness I saw.

My neighborhood is made up of a diverse group of people. They are diverse in age, ethnicity, race and religion; they are truly a heterogeneous mixture. There is one trait that they all seem to have in common though, they are caring decent people. They are not our friends in the traditional sense, i.e. in the Fall we don’t hang out at each other’s houses and watch football games and have barbeques. But we are all united by a desire to care for each other and help each other as needed.

Nick was right; it is a pretty good place to live here on the corner of Unity and Diversity.

Hanging on to Hope in a Broken World

Valerie Cullers 3 Comments

pexels-photo-357891.jpegSometimes when I watch the nightly news, I come away feeling a sense of hopelessness. The problems of this world seem so big that I wonder if there are enough people out there to help fix them. What can I, one person, do to make a difference and help add hope to a world that is in such short supply of it?

It seems that if we want to make a difference in the world, we must take action. We must find the problem that touches our hearts the most and seek to help in that area. Sometimes we wonder if we have to organize a solution to the problem, but most of the time someone has gone before us and there is a group of people already working in the area that concerns us.

If we are concerned about hunger, we can find many groups in our community trying to help solve the problem. There are food banks, soup kitchens, senior citizen centers, and many church groups working tirelessly to help feed those in need.

Are we upset about the lack of literacy in our young people? Any school in our community would love to have a volunteer teach kids to read. And what about the silent problem, adult literacy? There are places we can volunteer and help an adult learn to read and write. Opening the world of books to an adult can be one of the most rewarding experiences we will ever have.

I know seeing the homeless on the street bothers each one of us. We can volunteer at our local rescue mission or homeless shelter and help give someone a hot meal and a place to sleep at night.

If we want to help kids rescued from sex trafficking, we must do a little digging to find where to help. Most of the organizations that help these precious kids are quietly working behind the scenes to provide safe homes and counseling to help restore their bodies and their souls.

And let’s not forget to keep our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. Someday, he will return to earth to set things right. A time is coming when there will be no more death, crime, sickness, hunger or war. Nature will be redeemed and the lion will lie down with the lamb. There is always hope…let’s keep looking up and in the meantime do our best to give hope to others. Then, we will find hope rising up in our own hearts.

“Et tu brute?”

Valerie Cullers 3 Comments

julius-caesar-rome-roman-empire-615344.jpegHaving seen clips of the current play “Julius Caesar being performed in Central Park in New York City, I only have one word to say about it: appalling. Lest you think my reaction is related to my support for the current president; I can assure you that I would feel the same way if the main character of the play was portraying a living past president or presidential hopeful. Have we become so immune to violence in the arts that we find this kind of political statement acceptable? Have the politics of today truly become a blood sport?

Julius Caesar had been invested with the title “Dictator Perpetuo”, Dictator for Life. This was obviously an affront to the Roman Republic, and the senators involved in the assassination plot felt they had no other option but to put an end to his life. This scenario is not true in American politics. Our representatives are elected for two-year terms, our presidents for four and our senators for six year terms. There is a lawful way to remove elected officials – should they not perform or overstep their boundaries; it is called the ballot box.

We also have a set of checks and balances in our constitutional government. The Senate, House and Justices of the Supreme Court have ways to keep a sitting president’s actions within the boundaries of the law. Since our current president has not been elected “Dictator for Life”, can we all just take a few deep breaths and let our elected officials govern?

I, for one, have not agreed with everything this current president or any of our past presidents have done, and I am sure most of you have not either. But I will not carry water for any hate mongering, no matter what form it comes in. Just because something is labeled “art” does not make it acceptable or worthy of our time and attention.

Shakespeare’s play “Julius Caesar” is a marvelous rendition of a true incident that happened in Roman history. His words are brilliant and his portrayals are spot on for the characters he represents. This current play is an insult to the intelligence of the American people; we can see the difference between Roman history and our current political situation today.  Let’s not support any art form that portrays violence against any of our elected officials.