Marla looked into the mirror. She liked what she saw…thirty-five going on twenty-five, dark hair, slim except for a bit of a rounded tummy…testimony to the two children she had during the last five years. She fastened the gold chain that Zack had gotten her for Christmas and put on the matching earrings.

As she walked around the corner of the dining room, Zack caught a glimpse of her. He smiled and then whistled. “Hey lady, would you like to go to a party tonight?” 

She smiled back, “I’ll think about it.”

She walked into the living room and looked at Kerry, their babysitter. She was playing with the kids, and everything looked okay. “We’ll be back around midnight.” 

“No problem, Mrs. H. I can spend the night if you decide to stay out later.”

Marla and Zack headed out of the building and flagged down a taxi. She was excited to go to the mayor’s New Year’s Eve party. “Wow,” she thought. “What a group of movers and shakers we will be with tonight. I wonder how many new contacts we will make for our real estate business?”

She had met Zack at the office, and over the last ten years, they had climbed the sales ladder. They were close to being at the top, and she was happy. What more could she ever ask for?

The taxi dropped them off at Gracie Mansion. She felt almost giddy as they walked in the door. She looked around and smiled. There were so many people that she recognized but didn’t really know, and of course, there were several actors. She tried not to stare at them, but wow, what a night this was going to be!

They walked over to the bar and got their drinks. As they turned to walk off, Rob, a man from the office, came up. “Do you mind if I talk to Zack for a few minutes?”

Marla looked at Rob, then Zack. With a slight note of irritation, she said, “No problem.” Rob steered Zack over into the corner of the room and their conversation began. Marla looked around. She didn’t recognize anyone she knew, so she thought she would just walk around and look at the architecture of the place. When would she get another chance anyway?

There were people in almost every room on the ground floor. She walked slowly as she perused each room. She walked back into the living room. Rob was still droning on with Zack. “Well, that’s about enough of that,” she thought. “I am just going to the ladies’ room, and when I get back, I am going to rescue my husband from that bore.” 

She walked into the ladies’ room and was surprised that there was only one lady there. She had her face down on her mirror and looked like she was trying to inhale something. “Excuse me,” Marla said. “I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“No problem, dearie. This is the only way I can get through another of these nights. They are just so bo-r-r-ring!” 

Marla turned to use the facilities. She heard the lady behind her say, “Would you like to try a line? It’s on me.” 

At first, she was indignant, “Who does that lady think I am?” She thought to herself, then, “I’m sure she doesn’t mean anything by it.” She said, “No thanks.”

“You’ll never know what you are missing,” the lady said. 

Marla used the facilities and came out the door. The lady was still sitting there. She looked normal, not even strung out, just normal. “Last chance, dearie. These things are the ultimate bore.”

Marla began to consider her offer. She had never used drugs, especially cocaine, but she had heard a lot about it. Several people she knew used it occasionally when they had a lot of work to get done. “I mean, what could it hurt?” She knew it wasn’t instantly addictive. At least, that’s what she had been told. 

She looked around. No one was in there but the two of them. “I don’t know,” she said. 

“Aw, come on, you’ll thank me later. I promise you,” the lady said.

Marla hesitated again. “Just this one time, maybe I will try it, just this one time,” she thought to herself. She turned towards the lady. The lady lifted up the mirror; and handed her a rolled piece of paper. “Just inhale. It will light up your night.”

Marla sniffed the white powder up her nose, and then, Wham! She instantly felt energized. I mean alive, really alive for the first time. She felt like she could do anything. “Wow,” was all she said.

“I told you,” the lady said. “This party will be ten times the fun.”

Marla turned to go. She looked back at the lady, and the lady just had a sly smile on her face. She hesitated, then walked out the door.

She went back into the living room and found Zack. She rescued him from Rob, and they walked around the mansion together. She was just SO happy and SO high, she realized. Zack didn’t notice a thing. He was looking at all of the people and pointing them out to her. They walked into the ballroom and sat down at one of the tables. Every now and then, they would get up to dance. She had so much energy, she didn’t even feel tired at the end of the night. 

When they got home, Zack was beat. He wanted to go straight to bed, but she knew she wasn’t going to be able to sleep. She told Zack she was too excited from the night out and would come to bed in a while. She poured herself a bourbon on the rocks and slowly drank it. She began to relax. After a couple more, she felt like she could go in and sleep. “She wasn’t going to try that again, but boy was it ever fun,” she thought.

Other than a bit of a headache, she felt fine the next morning. It was Sunday, and she, Zack, and the kids all hung out for the day. She had a relaxing day, but she couldn’t stop thinking about the rush she got from the drug….wow!

They attended a few parties every month, but she never saw anyone else doing cocaine, and so she tried to forget about it. It was always in the back of her mind, though. Finally, about three months later, she was at a party, and true to form, there was a group of people in a closed room, and they were all doing lines of cocaine. She wandered in, and they asked her if she would like to do a line. She didn’t hesitate this time…just said yes…and true to form, there was that feeling she had been craving. “Somehow, I need to work this into my life, every now and again,” she thought to herself.

She began to choose parties to go to where she knew there would be people doing cocaine. She would slip into the room, do a line, and then check her face. She didn’t want any white powder on one of her nostrils. The more she attended the parties, the more she wanted that feeling. At the last party she went to, she asked who their supplier was and where she could purchase some. She was handed a slip of paper with a name and number on it.

She could hardly wait until Monday when Zack was working. She told him she didn’t feel well, and then, when he was out the door. She called the number.  She made arrangements with the man on the line, and it was delivered to her door. She always had plenty of cash around, and Zack would never know.

She waited for the kids to go down for their naps and then did a line. “Ah, that feeling she loved was there.” She would have to work a line in every day so she could look forward to that feeling.

Marla was able to keep the charade up for a few months. She began to drop weight, and Zack was worried something was wrong with her. He insisted she go to the doctor. He thought she was becoming anorexic. They began to fight about it, and finally she admitted to Zack what she had been doing.

Zack was stunned, to say the least. He looked at her, didn’t say a word, and walked out the door. When he walked in that night, he said, “We need to talk after the kids go to bed.”

Marla began to get nervous. Zack had changed, and in the blink of an eye, no less. He was very serious and not happy at all. She told him he had nothing to worry about and that she had it under control. Zack looked at her and said, “No, not in my house. You either give it up, or I will file for divorce and take the kids.”

“How dare he?” thought Marla. “I have been a good mother, kept the house clean, and worked at the office. I mean, I have been twice as productive as I normally am.”

Marla tried to reason with him, but he would not budge. She was going to have to think about it. She loved her husband and kids, but she really loved the feeling the cocaine gave her. She didn’t think she would be able to go a day without it.

Marla didn’t say a word. She got into bed and stayed awake all night. She had a great life, but life with cocaine was an even better life. Why did he want to take it from her?

In the morning, after he went to work, she packed a bag. She bought a plane ticket to see her friend, Lisa, in Las Vegas. She waited for Kerry to come over; and then left a note for Zack. She told him where she was going and that she would let him know her answer when she made her decision.

That morning, she flew to Las Vegas and took a taxi to Lisa’s house. They had been best friends as kids and had stayed in touch. She knew she would be welcome there. She knocked on the door. A tired and somewhat shocked Lisa answered it. “Marla, what are you doing here?” 

“I tried to call, but you didn’t pick up. I had to get away and think, and this is the only place I knew to come,” Marla said.

Lisa brewed a pot of strong black coffee and listened to Marla’s story. She didn’t say a word until she finished talking. “So, what you’re telling me is you’re addicted,” she finally said.

“I’m not addicted. I just love it, and I love the way it makes me feel. Why is that so bad?” Marla asked.

“Come on, Marla. You aren’t addicted, but you would leave your husband and kids over it? Get real.”

Marla felt she had been slapped in the face. How dare Lisa say she was addicted to Coke? She hadn’t even been using it a year. “You don’t understand Lisa, you really don’t!”

“Do you know where you are? Do you know what goes on down here?” Lisa asked.

“Not really,” Marla said sheepishly. 

“I must know at least twenty women who have come down here to use drugs and live the way they want,” Lisa said. “And not a one of them is happy, really happy.”

Marla thought for a moment. In her self-righteous anger, she believed Zack didn’t understand. But she knew in her heart that somehow Lisa knew her story and understood.

“Do you know what I do? ” Lisa asked and then answered her own question. “I am an escort.”

Marla was shocked. “I knew you had a good job. I just didn’t know how you earned your money.”

“I wouldn’t suggest you start down this road. Once you do, Zack won’t want you back, and you will be too ashamed to see your kids. You can stay here until you figure this out, but what you really need is to go into rehab.”

“Rehab? You must be joking. I am not addicted. I can stop anytime I want to,” Marla said.

“Okay, I dare you to. Go without it for a week, and then tell me how you feel,” Lisa said.

Marla reached into her makeup bag. She took the white powder out, and she gave it to Lisa. “It’s a deal…one week…then we’ll talk about it.”

Lisa took the cocaine and flushed it down the toilet. “Come on, I’ll show you to your room. It’s going to be a rough week.”

Marla took her suitcase and followed Lisa down the hall. She sat down on the bed and unpacked her suitcase. She put her makeup in the guest bathroom, and then she lay down on the bed….could she do it? Was she really addicted?

The next week crawled by. She had trouble sleeping and felt agitated most of the time. Lisa tried to fill their time with shopping and going to different shows, but all she could think of was getting more cocaine and getting high. She was also hungry for the first time in a long time, and she wanted to eat, really eat a full meal. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt like that. 

On the sixth day, she got out of bed and looked at herself. She really looked at herself. She looked emaciated; she had lost about twenty pounds, and she didn’t have it to lose. When she was high, she thought she looked great, but nothing looked quite as good as it did back in New York. Everything was flat here, and she could see herself for what she was, and she didn’t like it. 

She spent hours in the bedroom that day. She didn’t open the shades; she just sat in the dark and thought about her life. How could everything change so much in less than a year? She knew she was addicted, but when did it start? She thought about the woman at Gracie Mansion. She knew that she was addicted from the very first time; from then on, that’s all she really thought about, that first rush, that first high.

She knew if she was going to stop, it had to be now. If not, she would never stop. That desire would consume her. She had been willing to give up her husband, her kids, her job, and her entire life just for the cocaine. She shuddered. She needed to call Zack, now.

“Zack. Hi,” she said. “I’m coming home. Please find a rehab facility for me to go to. I can’t do this alone, and I don’t want to lose you and the kids.” 

“Thank God,” Zack said. “Anything you need, Babe, anything.”

(This story is creative non-fiction. I heard a woman interviewed about twenty years ago. This was how she became addicted. She lost her husband, kids, job, and her health. She became a sex worker to get her drugs until she finally came to the end of herself. Just one line was all it took to upend her life.)