A Bachelor’s in Rescuing, A Masters as an Enabler, and Almost a Doctorate in Co-Dependency

July 22, 2017October 8, 2025Valerie Cullers 6 Comments

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Being a bright child, I was always interested in learning. I graduated from high school and in my late teens and early twenties had achieved my Bachelor’s in Rescuing. I fell in love with a man with emotional problems and PTSD. I believed that if I loved him enough,I could make him well. What a shock it was to find out that all of my love made almost no difference in his ability to get better.

Did that experience stop me from going on and getting my Master’s as an Enabler? No, it didn’t! I had a step-brother who was an experienced alcoholic and an expert manipulator. For a long time, I believed that all he needed was the right situation to turn his life around and that he really didn’t want to drink. Thousands of dollars and several years later, I finally realized that he was going to do exactly what he wanted, and all the wringing of my hands and helping him was only enabling him to continue in his lifestyle.

At that point, I was well on my way to getting my Doctorate in Co-Dependency. I had three friends that I thought needed my help, and I was continually there to meet their needs whenever they called. I had spent thousands of dollars on my Doctorate and was well into my Practicum when I realized that this might not be the career path I wanted to follow.

Thirty years had gone by while I was pursuing my education. I was in my mid-fifties when the light started to dawn. I realized I had spent my life helping many who didn’t really want my help; they just wanted my attention. For a while, I felt hurt, used, and manipulated by those around me. I blamed them until I realized that they were not the problem. I was.

I had not been able to say “No” to people who appeared to be in need but really weren’t. I had not been able to discern what was really going on behind the scenes in their lives. Now I am pursuing a different career path: Optometry.

My vision has always been poor, and I am trying to see the world from a better perspective. I want to see people for who they really are and still have the ability to love them, but not get involved in their lives to the detriment of my own. Starting on a new career path later in life is difficult but not impossible. It certainly doesn’t take the time and money my first one did, and I feel quite a bit saner on this journey. I feel a lot more freedom and have more choices now that I can say “No.”

Can any of you relate? Are you on the same journey I am?

Note: I am on hiatus for the next few weeks, and am reposting a few faves from last year!

Can A Prayer Make A Difference?

July 17, 2017October 8, 2025Valerie Cullers 6 Comments

Have you ever watched the news and had your heart touched by a humanitarian story? How do you feel when you see someone being pulled over by a policeman? I know we see problems every day that we are not directly a part of but feel a level of concern about them. Is there anything we can do that might possibly help the person in need?

What about prayer? Can a prayer make a difference in someone else’s life? Many times we discount the value of a single prayer, especially one that is thrown up on the run. I had a friend, Bernice, who used to call these prayers “arrow prayers.” She said we can shoot them up in a matter of seconds.

I serve an Omnipotent and loving God. He has a deep concern for humanity and longs to be involved in every person’s life. He wants to bring good things to people and help them in their time of need. He also likes us to ask Him to become involved. He has given us free will and with that gift comes the choice to ask Him to help ourselves and others.

I believe that every prayer we pray matters. It may be a quick short prayer for someone we pass by on the street but it is important. It is an invitation to get God involved and help that person. Every person is priceless to Him and He wants to show each one of us how much He cares.

I have listened to countless stories about people who have been in desperate situations and were prayed for by strangers. They recount how they felt the prayers of others and were upheld in their time of need. These stories come from people of all faiths including atheists who have been helped in difficult situations.

So as we go about our day, let’s shoot up arrow prayers for others. They just might make a big difference in someone else’s life!

What about you? Have you every been prayed for by strangers and know that it made a difference?

The Glut of Stuff

July 6, 2017October 7, 2025Valerie Cullers 6 Comments

When my husband and I were first married, we didn’t have a lot of stuff. We had our clothes, some furniture, dishes, and several presents from our wedding. Ten years later, I found myself walking around our home wondering how we had acquired so much stuff. People say three moves are as good as a fire, but in our case three moves hadn’t helped lessen the stuff and I needed to take a good hard look at the problem. I resolved to get rid of what we didn’t use or want.

First, I went through my clothes and managed to fill several bags with items I wouldn’t wear again. I talked to my husband about going through his clothes and he was pretty resistant at first. However, when he looked at our closet and saw how much room there was, he agreed to look through his clothing and get rid of the items he didn’t need.

Next, I looked at our linen closet. There were sheets, bedspreads, curtains, and blankets that could be given away. When they were bagged up, there was lots of extra space to organize what was left. The shelf that held our toiletries was full of complementary items that could be donated, so out the door they went too.

I then took a look at our bookcases and set out to get rid of the books that we wouldn’t read again. We gave several boxes away to different libraries and second hand stores. Voila! Our bookcases were no longer an earthquake hazard and there was room for the books we may want to acquire in the future.

Finally, I went into the kitchen and saw that our cupboards were so full that I could hardly cram anything more into them. There were coffee cups, pots, pans and a few appliances I rarely used that could be given away. Some of the appliances had been given to us as wedding presents and I assuaged the guilt from giving them away by telling myself someone would get good use out of them.

The whole process took several months, but when it was finished, I was much happier with how my home looked and felt. I know I could have had a garage sale and sold the stuff but I was working at the time and didn’t have the desire to organize it all and spend a weekend selling it.

Since then, I try hard not to let our home get full of stuff we’re not using any more. I keep a bag in the coat closet and when I see an item we don’t need anymore, I just stuff it in the bag. When the bag is full, I donate it to a thrift store. That is how I got rid of the glut of stuff in our home!

What about you? How do you get rid of the glut of stuff?

Living On the Corner of Unity and Diversity

June 30, 2017October 7, 2025Valerie Cullers 8 Comments

A while back my husband and I moved to a new town. We chose a house in an older neighborhood, thinking it would be a perfect fit for us. While looking at the house, we spoke to Nick, the man living across the street. He assured us that it was a pretty good place to live. We moved in mid-Spring and hoped we had made the right decision.

A few days after we moved in, my husband and son were hooking up the washing machine. One of the fittings on the faucet would not unthread, and so it had to be replaced. My husband had not unpacked all of his tools and asked me to go next door and see if the neighbor had the one he needed. I met Justin for the first time. He was younger, had tattoos on both arms, and seemed pretty nice. He got the tool we needed and asked to look at the problem. He proceeded to fix the faucet, including doing an indoor weld on the pipe, which is not an easy job. We were so impressed with his kindness.

Summer came, and my husband decided to put in a garden. He was hauling dirt into the backyard when Brett, another neighbor, decided that he and his daughter would help him. They helped haul all of the topsoil into the garden area. They made an all-afternoon job into one that took about forty-five minutes. I couldn’t bake them a batch of cookies fast enough.

Winter came, and it was a bad one. We had snow continuously day after day. In the mornings, the men in the neighborhood would get up early and come out to shovel the snow. They shoveled their own driveways and also those of the elderly and disabled. Again, my heart was touched by the kindness I saw.

My neighborhood is made up of a diverse group of people. They are diverse in age, ethnicity, race and religion; they are truly a heterogeneous mixture. There is one trait that they all seem to have in common though, they are caring decent people. They are not our friends in the traditional sense, i.e. in the Fall we don’t hang out at each other’s houses and watch football games and have barbeques. But we are all united by a desire to care for each other and help each other as needed.

Nick was right; it is a pretty good place to live here on the corner of Unity and Diversity.

Hanging on to Hope in a Broken World

June 23, 2017October 7, 2025Valerie Cullers 3 Comments

Sometimes when I watch the nightly news, I come away feeling a sense of hopelessness. The problems of this world seem so big that I wonder if there are enough people out there to help fix them. What can I, one person, do to make a difference and help add hope to a world that is in such short supply of it?

It seems that if we want to make a difference in the world, we must take action. We must find the problem that touches our hearts the most and seek to help in that area. Sometimes we wonder if we have to organize a solution to the problem, but most of the time someone has gone before us and there is a group of people already working in the area that concerns us.

If we are concerned about hunger, we can find many groups in our community trying to help solve the problem. There are food banks, soup kitchens, senior citizen centers, and many church groups working tirelessly to help feed those in need.

Are we upset about the lack of literacy in our young people? Any school in our community would love to have a volunteer teach kids to read. And what about the silent problem, adult literacy? There are places we can volunteer and help an adult learn to read and write. Opening the world of books to an adult can be one of the most rewarding experiences we will ever have.

I know seeing the homeless on the street bothers each one of us. We can volunteer at our local rescue mission or homeless shelter and help give someone a hot meal and a place to sleep at night.

If we want to help kids rescued from sex trafficking, we must do a little digging to find where to help. Most of the organizations that help these precious kids are quietly working behind the scenes to provide safe homes and counseling to help restore their bodies and their souls.

And let’s not forget to keep our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. Someday, he will return to earth to set things right. A time is coming when there will be no more death, crime, sickness, hunger or war. Nature will be redeemed and the lion will lie down with the lamb. There is always hope…let’s keep looking up and in the meantime do our best to give hope to others. Then, we will find hope rising up in our own hearts.

“Et tu brute?”

June 18, 2017October 7, 2025Valerie Cullers 3 Comments

Having seen clips of the current play “Julius Caesar being performed in Central Park in New York City, I only have one word to say about it: appalling. Lest you think my reaction is related to my support for the current president; I can assure you that I would feel the same way if the main character of the play was portraying a living past president or presidential hopeful. Have we become so immune to violence in the arts that we find this kind of political statement acceptable? Have the politics of today truly become a blood sport?

Julius Caesar had been invested with the title “Dictator Perpetuo”, Dictator for Life. This was obviously an affront to the Roman Republic, and the senators involved in the assassination plot felt they had no other option but to put an end to his life. This scenario is not true in American politics. Our representatives are elected for two-year terms, our presidents for four and our senators for six year terms. There is a lawful way to remove elected officials – should they not perform or overstep their boundaries; it is called the ballot box.

We also have a set of checks and balances in our constitutional government. The Senate, House and Justices of the Supreme Court have ways to keep a sitting president’s actions within the boundaries of the law. Since our current president has not been elected “Dictator for Life”, can we all just take a few deep breaths and let our elected officials govern?

I, for one, have not agreed with everything this current president or any of our past presidents have done, and I am sure most of you have not either. But I will not carry water for any hate mongering, no matter what form it comes in. Just because something is labeled “art” does not make it acceptable or worthy of our time and attention.

Shakespeare’s play “Julius Caesar” is a marvelous rendition of a true incident that happened in Roman history. His words are brilliant and his portrayals are spot on for the characters he represents. This current play is an insult to the intelligence of the American people; we can see the difference between Roman history and our current political situation today. Let’s not support any art form that portrays violence against any of our elected officials.

In Search of Truth

June 12, 2017October 7, 2025Valerie Cullers 3 Comments

In one of the most famous quotations ever recorded, Pontius Pilate asked Jesus of Nazareth, “What is truth?” That is an important question for each of us to consider. We know that in Scripture, Jesus states, “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life.” Scripture also states that his Word is truth. As believers, most of us count on the truths in Scripture. We trust that they are inerrant and immutable, and we build our lives on them. But what about other things we believe are true?

What about scientific truth? Can we count on it as true and unchanging? When I was in school, I was taught that there were three parts to an atom: proton, neutron and electron. Since I left school, quantum physicists have discovered many more subatomic particles. What about the universe? Any truths you may have believed twenty or thirty years ago may have changed dramatically with the invention of more powerful telescopes and satellites that can see deep into the distant past of the universe.

What about historical truth? We have authors such as Herodotus and Josephus to tell us what happened in the ancient Persian, Greek and Roman empires, but what do we have for our understanding of prehistory, before history was being recorded? We have the first ten chapters of Genesis to gain an understanding of the origins of people groups on the earth. Every early culture has its oral traditions about the beginnings of man, but there were no written languages that we know of. The cultures left us pictographs on rock walls to record their experiences, and from there we must fill in the blanks.

What about the issues we hear about in the news and read about in the newspapers? Just throw out the words: Russia, Benghazi, Kennedy, Marilyn Monroe, and you think about the different stories and theories swirling around those topics. We know for a fact that the FBI, CIA and other intelligence agencies have all kinds of information on those subjects that we may never know or may not be revealed in our lifetimes.

So, can we really know the whole complete truth about anything? The truth is difficult to know and ascertain. The best we can do is read, study and search out multiple sources on any given subject. From there, we can form opinions. But we must hold our opinions lightly, knowing that at any time, more truth or information may be revealed, and what we thought was true is not.

The Gift of Kindness

June 5, 2017October 7, 2025Valerie Cullers 4 Comments

A few weeks ago, I heard about a young man who had been bullied at school. Afterwards, he went home and committed suicide. Appalling…yes. Sad…yes. Shocking…no. Unfortunately, this story gets repeated over and over in various parts of our country. Has there been a significant lack of kindness given to the children who are bullies? I don’t know. While we cannot solve this insidious epidemic, we can, in some small way, give the gift of kindness to our children and hope they will learn to pass it on.

Every day, we are given several opportunities to give the gift of kindness to others. It may only be to those in our immediate family, but it will still make a significant impact in the world. Each time you give this gift to your children, you are building a reservoir of kindness in them. Hopefully, when they go out into the world and interact with others, they will share this gift with others.

Is this gift costly? Yes, but not in the material sense. This gift will cost you some of your most precious commodity, time. In order to give this gift, we each must slow down, if only for a few seconds, in order to give it away. We must also be intentional; and know that every time we give this gift, we have added to another’s life.

Is this gift showy? No, it is the quietest of all gifts. It is one you can quietly give to your children in the privacy of your home. You can also model it when you are in public and teach them how to interact with others. You can smile at a grocery clerk and ask him or her how their day is going instead of just staring at them and hoping they check you out at the fastest possible speed. You can welcome a new family into your neighborhood and be kind to them, without regard to their race, color or ethnic background. You can help someone with a disability and make their life easier in some small way.

Is the gift rewarding? Absolutely! When we see our children give this gift to others, we know we have succeeded in by helping them learn the value of this precious gift.

Moral Courage In The Face Of Peer Pressure

May 29, 2017October 7, 2025Valerie Cullers 7 Comments

Recently in the news, I saw the story of a young man who had been drinking at a party and injured himself. Some at the party wanted to call for help while others didn’t want to get the authorities involved and insisted that no one make the call. The next morning the young man died.

Peer pressure…we all face it in one form or another. When we say “peer pressure” we think of kids at school. However, adults face peer pressure in their work environment and in every social group they are involved in. Within every group we are part of, there is a level of peer pressure asking us to conform to whatever the strongest voices in the group are espousing. So how do we develop the moral courage to stand against peer pressure when we know someone in the group is asking us to do or think the wrong thing?

When I was pondering this question, one word stood out to me and that was the word “No.” We each must learn to say the word strongly and clearly when it is appropriate. The first person we need to learn to say “No” to is ourselves. Every day we are faced with choices that we should say “No” to. We need to practice saying “No” to ourselves and then follow through and do the right thing, whatever that is at the time.

The next group of people we have to learn to say “No” to is our children. As parents, we want to make our children happy, and it is difficult to say “No” to them. However, say “No” we must if want to raise healthy responsible children. But the pushback, boy can we face pushback from our children. It can be very vocal or silent with doors slamming. It is very difficult to stand against the pushback, but we must learn to do it.

One of the hardest areas to learn to say “No” in is within the social groups we are in. We all want to be liked and thought well of in our various social circles and so we find it difficult to say “No” in these groups. When we are faced with wrong choices, we must practice standing up and saying “No” even when we will face pushback from the people we associate with. Just going along with the herd will not make us feel any better about ourselves if the group has chosen do something we know is wrong. If we want to face ourselves in the mirror and sleep well at night, we must learn to make these difficult choices.

Let’s remember Jesus Christ. He said “No” many times in the face of great opposition and did the right thing in spite of the pushback he faced. He is our example of moral courage.

Valerie Cullers

Navigating the World from a Christian Perspective

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