Dead Men Can’t Defend Themselves

Valerie Cullers 35 Comments

As believers in Jesus Christ, it is necessary to write to a higher standard than the secular media requires of us. If we want to write about someone who has hurt us personally, we need to think carefully about our words. It will be important to extend grace to the individual(s) as we write our story. Many times, we are not released to write about our experiences until the offending person has passed away.

trees in park

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Most individuals are not entirely good or evil. They are, like us, a composite of both positive and negative traits. It would be easy to portray an offending individual in the darkest of terms and paint them with a brush entirely filled with black paint or in our case as writers, negative adjectives. People have also been shaped by the circumstances they have endured throughout the course of their lives. When we write about them, it is important to write about some of the extenuating circumstances they found themselves in.

When people have hurt us deeply, it may take us years to fully forgive them and be healed from the pain of their actions. Only because we have received the forgiveness that Christ offers, are we are able to extend that same forgiveness to the offending person. The further away from the negative experience we are, the easier it is to write about it from an objective viewpoint.

We need to remember that there are always two sides to any situation. When we portray the situation from our point of view, the offending person, if deceased, will not have the opportunity to provide an answer to our statements. There will be no one to speak in their defense, and even if their actions are indefensible, we should allow them a certain amount of latitude when sharing our story. It might seem impossible to do this, but I have found that through prayer, I am able to view them in a more compassionate light.

Remember, when writing publicly about those who have hurt us, we must reflect on the words we use. After all, dead men (or women, for that matter) can’t defend themselves!

35 thoughts on “Dead Men Can’t Defend Themselves”

  1. Your post, Valerie is of great relevance and sensitivity. Over the years years, and now more specifically with the losses of my father and brother in a space of pouc more than two years and with my illness, I learned that, although very difficult to separate from each other, it is fundamental to dissociate the emotional side of the rational. I have always preserved my faith, unshakable, as a support that gives me what I need to be able to exercise rationality and take or make the best decisions and choices. This, too, is reflected in what to write or talk about people who are no longer among us. I always try to keep alive the most important moments and what was the reason for stress between us became a turning page that has no more because reread. I spent most of the time living with myself and I feel an immense inner peace. I am pacified and ready to move forward, always with the companion presence of Christ within me.

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    • You have made great progress as a human being. What a wonderful way to look at the world and those around us and those who has passed on! You are such a blessing to those who know you! Blessings to you, now and forever!

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  2. You are so right, Valerie! You wrote only the truth.

    I’d like to think I’m considerate when I write about people who were/are part of my experiences, even recently.

    Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom. Much love ❤🤗

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  5. “and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us”. Anger is a logismoi linked to narcissism. Often from envy in my experience.

    Just reading about the importance of motherly bonds with her baby and the importance during the first 3 yrs especially. When you talk abt compassion towards others… No better place to visit than one of these daycare places for (often unloved by their parents) children, that they drop off there, because their instincts are manipulated into believing they should chase after careers and money instead of love their baby. It is such a blind spot in our society. Regarded as normal over here even.

    “Save, Lord, and have mercy on those who hate me and offend me, and do me harm. Do not let them perish because of me, a sinner.” (From the Orthodox Morning Prayers)

    Save them. Forgive and even save them… Am there yet? With everyone? What is the alternative? Hell. … Can one wish hell upon anyone,..

    Ephesians 4:26 (KJV)
    “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath”

    Confessing our sins to an elder in Christ, a spiritual father, as a female it can be a female too one trusts in, is of high importance.

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  10. Val; you are awesome. Your message is essentially about charity in speech and I have found although it always difficult when we are hurting (I struggle every day) time and eternity are outside of our earthly experience, and it all matters…you are so right. Much love to you my friend.

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