Fear, Shame and Remorse – Breaking the Bonds

Valerie Cullers 23 Comments

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woman in maroon shirt with black chain on her body

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Have you ever been held captive by one of the big three…Fear, Shame or Remorse? I spent years in captivity by these three. People can look at us and never see the invisible chains that are holding us back, refusing to allow us to go free. 

I think for me the worst of the three was Fear. I left my ex-husband and took my six week old baby with me. He wanted us back and threatened me. I lived for years with the fear that at any time he would come and take me or my son. Finally, several years later, when he remarried the fear began to subside, but it still wasn’t gone.

If carrying around the chains of Fear wasn’t bad enough, I was also shackled by Shame. I had been raised in a small conservative town and after college moved in with my boyfriend…soon to be husband. It was at a time when that just wasn’t done and gossip flooded the town and I was at the center of the deluge. At the time, it didn’t really bother me, but several years later when I came back with my baby in tow, I felt the scourge of that Shame.

Add Remorse to the equation and you have a girl who was in bondage. I was really sorry for what I had done, but I could not change it. There was no magic time machine that would take me back and undo my bad decisions.

So there I was, full of Fear, Guilt and Shame and there was nothing I could do about it. I did not have the power to break the bonds that were shackling me…and then I met the Bondage Breaker – The one Person, the God-man-Jesus, who sacrificed his life for someone like me; someone broken and held in bondage by her own bad decisions. What a day that was for me. He walked into my invisible prison and unlocked the door and broke the chains that were holding me.

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It was a great feeling…He had set me free. But was that all that needed to be done? Was there something I was supposed to do? Yes, yes, there was. I had to make the decision to get up and leave the chains behind and walk out of the prison. 

Was it easy? No. Every day I had to choose to believe that I was free and I had to rely on the truths in his word. Truths like…”For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”( 2 Timothy 1:7) when I would start to feel afraid. When Shame started to hem me in, I knew that I needed to focus on “For you will forget the shame of your youth” (Isaiah 54:4).  When Remorse started to overwhelm me, I needed to focus on Romans 8: 28: “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” I had to believe that I was forgiven and nothing could change God’s love and mercy towards me.

Set free…Yes, by the Bondage Breaker…once and for all. Learning to walk free…that was another matter…step by step, day by day, until I could truly say, “I am free!”  

23 thoughts on “Fear, Shame and Remorse – Breaking the Bonds”

  4. Yay. Ridding ourselves of shackles are not easy. People and circumstances can be harsh. You went back. That took some doing… And a lot of spirit and gumption. Sad when everyone is looking for the stone in your eye when they have boulders.
    Look how far you have come with your baby, your soldier, your champion. I think you are a fine role model… And most probably to some who will never admit it. 🙂 so glad I spent my morning with you.

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  6. What a beautiful testimony! It took a lot of courage for you to leave with a little baby and head back home. People can be relentless but so can our God in His love. This was such a touching post. Thanks for sharing.

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  8. Hi Valerie, it took me years of tears do shed the shame and fear I was able to let go in part. My first husband almost killed me but he made a new family and before that left me with my 8 years old baby girl. After I received Christ took me 16 years to shad my pain as well.
    God bless you and your child, no matter how old they are they are still our baby.

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